guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
