So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize