you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
