i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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