the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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