am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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