My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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