The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
