if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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