dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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