never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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