Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
