So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
