dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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