I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
