i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
