I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
