Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
