I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
