How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize