I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
try to milk me bitch
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