what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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