I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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