we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
