who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
