Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
