You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
