some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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