You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
