At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
