i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize