i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
