I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
