"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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