We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
