also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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