idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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