the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
