just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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