I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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