My nipple is on Facebook.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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