so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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