I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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