First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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