Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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