Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
