I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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