im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
