you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am available for nakedness
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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