There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
