Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
