yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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