I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
