I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize