my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need a beard to bite.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize