Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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