So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
