she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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