i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
