I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
