do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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