so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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