If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
