i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
