Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize