sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
