i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
