dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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