but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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