He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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