Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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