she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
