Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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