As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize