my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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