Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
