Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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