I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Are my feet made of real feet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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