U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
