omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
