every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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