my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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