This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
