and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
