He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
