I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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