I'm really into asian looking animals
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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