fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize