none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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