so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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