I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
