He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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