Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
