Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
