I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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