he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
