I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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