The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
