just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
