This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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