i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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