i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
